So I have been meaning to start putting things on this blog, but I just never got around to it. But this is a lil story of how I have seen my love for people grow immensely over these past few years.
It all started when I caught a better glimpse of God's love for me. I can't exactly pinpoint an exact moment when this all began, but I do remember certain events that have each contributed to this love movement!
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Sometime in my Sophomore year in high school, I had this crazy vision/dream thing that I couldn't really explain. I had just woken up in the morning, and did my devotional like a good faithful christian, reading some Scripture and liftin up some prayers, when something I still can't quite explain came upon me. I felt like God's very presence--His very throne of majesty and grace--was in MY presence--in my room as I sat in my bed. I felt like His magnificent and holy feet were right at the head of my bed! I felt so overwhelmed and consumed by this that I couldn't do anything else, but fall before Him in worship. So I turned face down right there in my bed and honored and glorified and worshiped Him for who He is! It was one of THE most intimate times I have had with my Father. But as I continued to worship, I started to see something--even though my eyes were closed. I saw myself standing at the podium of Evergreen SGV in the main sanctuary looking out at all the people in the audience. Surprisingly, instead of feeling anxious or nervous, I felt an IMMENSE LOVE for each person out there! I wanted so much to teach and admonish the Word of God...to come alongside them and encourage them...to help them in whatever they may be struggling with by referring them to the lavish love of Jesus Christ!
Immediately following this, I was still overcome by the craziness of God's presence, not thinking too much about the vision. But as the minutes turned into hours, which turned into days and weeks, the vision kept coming back to me. As a 16 year old, I rejected the reality of this happening--I mean, I was just a shy guy who frequently withdrew from being the center of attention, so how could I get up and preach Spirit-infused messages from the pulpit? For MONTHS, I convinced myself that this was truth--that despite anything "I" did, I could not 'become' a pastor. But God had something else in mind.
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It wasn't until after my first year of college at CSULA that God started to stir my heart of stone. I was at Catalina Island with IV, and we were finishing up our study on the book of Mark. At first, I did not know what to expect, but in the end, it proved to be MUCH MORE than I ever could have even imagined! In particular, when we read about the part about that one guy that wanted his son healed, he asked Jesus, "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." Jesus then said, "'IF you can?' All things are possible to him who believes!" The father then said something so profound--"I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief." At first, we didn't really grasp the meaning of this phrase, but as we dug deeper, we found that the man really knew in his mind that this was possible, but doubted in his heart.
Man, after hearing this, I felt something deep in my heart! I was able to identify my own unbelief: that God could work in and mold me to be what he was calling me to be! From then on, I truly opened my heart to God, and His desires for me. I let go of my dream to be a MFT & helping transform families to pursue something I was not entirely sure of...but God was sure of it :)
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After that sweet surrender, I only felt all the more at peace to know that God would equip me to love these people!
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