It started out as a normal night (1/15/12). Bet (my sister, but we call her that cuz it's shorter :P) was doing her "homework" on the computer, mom was cooking dinner, and I was holding the laundry basket as dad put the clothes in there from the washing machine. As he finished up, he told my mom that the counter-top was clear now for her to continue cooking.
At that exact point in time, mom was sitting down in the next room resting, and said something like, "Ok, I see that." As I went out the back door towards the garage to put the clothes in the dryer, dad stayed back to get the point across that mom could not have seen the counter from where she was sitting. Even though the back door was shut, and I was standing outside about 20 feet from the house, I could vividly hear what was going on inside.
As dad resolutely argued his point, my heart sank as I realized his priority of being right..over preserving & building the relationship. As he walked out the door, he 'muttered' something like, "Man, I don't need to take ANY s**t from anyone." It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was very close to his boiling point, worked up over something so small. As I was there putting the laundry from the basket to the dryer, I felt like God was telling me that I should tell dad this in private, not within earshot of Bet or mom. "Dad, I do not think it is right for you to get any s**t from anyone. I also don't think it's right for any of us to get any s**t from anyone though."
As I placed the last piece of clothing into the dryer, I was torn. Under NORMAL circumstances, me, or anyone else, would not DARE talk to dad in this state, for fear of what he might do in his crazy state. It is with these moments that passages like Luke 8:21 come to the forefront of my mind. Also, I really do not cuss, so to say this felt weird, but thinking back, it had more of an effect on dad, since I was speaking his 'language.' I did not know what would come of this situation. I really wanted to tell him not to be so selfish to think he was the only one in the family who was being victimized. In fact, everyone takes junk from everyone else, and in some way contributes to it too. In that instant, I also thought about how brother Yun was able to be genuinely concerned for the salvation of the very people who beat and persecuted him. No matter how much I tried in that second, I just couldn't foster that love inside of myself for my dad.
With the clothes in the dryer, I walked back towards the house, but made sure to walk extra slow, so I could tell him outside. I even stopped in my steps for a good half-minute to give him time to set the timer, shut the door, and start walking back to the house too. "This would be the perfect place/time to tell him," I thought. When he seemed to be taking longer than I had expected, I started walking slowly back towards the house. I even stopped at the steps to wipe my feet extra longer than normally. By that time, he finally caught up to me. At the door, the moment had already passed, so I walked inside.
Man, even during everything I did following this, I was in constant battle with God. I mean, OF COURSE it was uncomfortable for me to say this to dad! YES, this would be CRAZY, especially considering what he might be capable of. I walked back inside and sat down on my bed, where I had my class assignments laid out. I was really scared of telling dad this seemingly simple statement, so I told God that dad had to stand right in front of me, and then I would tell him. That didn't happen.
As I sat there, I really had more time to think and prepare for any situation. I thought about how he might respond, and then I came up with a response to that, and so forth. As I sat there really wrestling with God, Dad called me back to his room to do some kind of task with him. I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to confront and talk to him alone, as Bet was on the computer and Mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
Even as I walked to the other side of the house, my mind was still going crazy, struggling with God. I mean, I knew that it was the Holy Spirit that was telling me to say this to Dad, but my own experiences and intuition told me the complete opposite!
I nervously walked into the room and we did the errand just as we always did. The whole time though, I was still wrestling with God...I KNEW what he was capable of, and how he would very likely react, but still God did not relent. As the task came to an end, I could have easily walked out of the room, and returned to my studies like nothing happened and everything was normal. But I opened my mouth in faith and asked Dad if I could shut the door and tell him something.
He gave me permission, and I shut the door. It was just me and him now...and this task that God had given me...
I paused for a moment before spitting it out. "I do not think it is fair that you have to take s**t from anyone at all. But I also don't think it's fair for ANY of us to have to take any s**t from anyone." Alright, I had said it. There was a long pause, and he asked if that was it. I said yes, and I left the room.
WOOOO...I could now breath a sigh of relief! I had said it, and followed through with what God had told me...AND to top it off, there was no crazy confrontation! That was seriously one of THE most difficult things I have had to do so far in Jesus' name. Now the story is not over yet though.
Shortly afterwards, Dad called me back to the room again and shut the door. He asked me what I had meant by that (now that he had had a chance to let my words soak a little bit). He was wondering if I had been specifically talking accusing him of giving us s**t in the family. Now this was not my intention, although I did want to imply that he does have a role in both the family's well-being & conflicts--we ALL do.
I told him that it was just a general statement, and that I felt that way about ALL families, and not just in ours. He went into a whole tangent about how if one member of a family is acting as a 'cancer,' that person should recognize their detriment to the family and remove themselves so that the family unit function normally. Through all of it though, I was not bored or impatient as I am sometimes, but I was genuinely listening and understanding of his words.
In all, it gave me a better picture of how HE sees things, and what HE thinks about how the family should be run, etc. Undoubtedly though, my faith was DEFINITELY tested. If I only SAID that I believed and didn't ACT on revelations from God, what would that make me?
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